Last Request
by toomanyfandomsnotenoughtime
Summary: Can I stay with you tonight? ... Just to sleep?" Joey's thoughts post 4.21. Basically Joey dealing with what happened in Promicide, and her thoughts and confusion to Pacey's outburst. Very angsty.


**Okay... I was watching Promicide and the episode after when they go to the Worthington party, and after I put my ipod on and Last Request by Paolo Nutini came on and I was like THIS SONG WAS MADE FOR THAT MOMENT! And so this was born :P It isn't really what I wanted it to be but I've been changing and rewriting it for a while now and just wanted to upload it and forget about it now :P So hopefully it isn't too terrible :P**

**Anyway I recommend you youtube the song Last Request by Paolo Nutini so you understand where this fic came from... and his music is just like amazing! **

**DISCLAIMER - I do not own Dawson's Creek, Capeside or the enourmous Pacey/Joey/Dawson love triangle. Nor do I own Paolo Nutini (which is a real pity).**

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><p><em>Slow down, Lie down, <em>

_Remember it's just you and me, _

_Don't sell out, bow out,_

_Remember how this used to be?_

_I just want you closer, _

_Is that alright?_

_Baby let's get closer tonight._

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><p>"Can I stay with you tonight? ... Just to sleep?"<p>

After leaving a quick note for Bessie telling her she was staying with a friend, the two made their way to the beach house, the unfamiliar and unsettling awkward silence lingering between them.

Joey could literally feel her heart breaking into a million different pieces, more so than it already had in the past couple of days. Just being near him brought back all of their memories of their year together. Of their first kiss, and the second and third and all those after that. Of their summer on the 'True Love', spending the days fishing and goofing about, and the nights reading to each other and sleeping under the stars. She was reminded of their months of being a couple, spending their days roaming Capeside. And of course of that night in the ski lodge cabin, where she'd given him everything she had to give.

She could remember the days when he'd look at her with such love and adoration, like she was the only girl in the world, and the way just one look told her he would always be there for her, always protect her from hurt. What happened to you Pacey?

The Pacey she had saw at prom, the one that had replaced HER Pacey for the past couple of weeks, was not the Pacey she had grown up with, the Pacey she had grown to love. What had happened to the fun loving, free spirited, cheeky boy she had known for so long?

_I've become a man who hates himself so much he can't even look at his own reflection in the mirror._

When had he been replaced by a man, so insecure about himself, and so full of self-loathing that it had led to him causing such a scene at prom? She'd always envied his confidence and self-assurance growing up, though she'd never had admitted it at the time. He'd always carried him in such a way, as if he would let nothing in the world bother him; not his teachers; his family; or even his friends.

Even in the past year, though she'd managed to swim in the troubled waters of what was the real Pacey, knew his insecurities and fear and hopelessness, she hadn't known it had gone as far as this. She had felt him slipping away from her for weeks now. Hadn't known why he wouldn't confide in her, seek help from her, trust in her.

_It's about you and how you make me feel when I'm with you. I feel like I'm stupid and I'm worthless and I'm never right. And you know something? THAT IS NOT MY FAULT!_

Of course she knew now it was her fault. He had said it himself. Why did this happen to her? Why was it every time she gave her heart to someone, they ran a million miles away. It had happened with Dawson, and even AJ. She had really though her and Pacey's relationship was different though. Sure she had loved Dawson... But being with Pacey had made her realise the difference between loving someone, and being IN love with someone.

She already missed him. Missed him so much her heart ached and her eyes stinged. But she couldn't be near him, she knew that. Today had been a one-off. He didn't want her near him, didn't want her in his life. Though there were moments today that his words and actions had spoke otherwise, and she had spent part of the night pretending they were still the same old Joey and Pacey, arch nemesis come lovers. But she knew it had come to an end.

Before she even realised it, they had come to the house. Pacey opening the door and beckoning her in. Neither said a word, but they both knew they were going to be sleeping in the same bed, the need to be close to one another one last night strong in both of them. They made their way to the room that had been Gretchen's before she left and Pacey had taken over since she left.

Taking the t-shirt and sweats Pacey gave her as she walked in, she made her way to the bathroom to change, no longer comfortable to change in front of him, while he stripped down to his undershirt and boxers.

They both climbed into bed, facing away from each other, the distance between them both physical and metaphorical. She could feel the tears building in her eyes as she squeezed them shut and willed herself to fall asleep, when she heard his husky voice whisper over to her.

"Jo... Can I hold you again? For one last time?"

She couldn't have stopped herself from nodding if she had tried, and soon his arms were around her, her back against his chest. Instantly she felt more at home, in his arms. Though as they both lay, snuggled up against each other, neither being able to sleep, she knew in that moment that they were over. They both were at a stage of their lives that they needed to go out and find themselves. Discover who they were. Be their own person. And in order to do that they had to go their separate ways. As much as it hurt she knew that they would only hold each other back and resent each other, just as Pacey had said. Maybe one day they could be good friends again. Or maybe they would one day get back to what they had had, and could find a way to love each other as they had that senior year of high school. But only time could tell.

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><p><em>Grant my last request and just let me hold you,<em>

_Don't shrug your shoulders,_

_Lay down beside me._

_Show I can't except we're going nowhere,_

_But for one last time let's go there,_

_Lay down beside me._

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><p><strong>Anway please review :) And listen to some Paolo Nutini :') His voice is cleansing for the soul 3 especially his new album :')<strong>


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